An open letter for my friends.. (taken from my myspace)

I would just like to acknowledge the fact that I'm sorry for my behavior as of late. It's been brought to my attention that I haven't been myself. I've felt it to an extent, but I'm not sure what is happening. I know now that I have to slow down and take a look at the bigger picture and let reality soak in. I vouched a long time ago that I would never become the person to disregard people's feelings around me and that I would always try to do things to better myself. I believe I have fallen victim of doing just that, however, quite (horribly) unintenionally. I have some dues to pay, I realize that much.

I feel terrible. I don't ever want to be the bad guy. I'm human and I make mistakes. I will continue to work towards being a better daughter, a better sister, a better worker, a BETTER FRIEND and most importantly, just a better person overall. I don't want to be the awful me. I should know better. I've had so many people walk all over me, treat me badly and walk out of my life. It's not in my blood. I was raised better than that. I always told myself I would never, ever be like that.

I know from time to time everybody is guilty with being wrapped in their own head, because I've seen it. I suppose I've been too wrapped up in my own and I haven't taken much else of the real world into consideration-- and I AM beating myself up over it. What the fuck is my deal? That's it, I'm done.

I usually put everyone else's feelings before my own. I'm usually the one everybody can count on, everybody's escape goat and the one you can confide in. I'm the one who will drop everything and be at a troubled one's side in a matter of seconds. I love to help people. I love to listen. I'm stronger than most and people come to me and count on me to be there when shit in their life isn't going so good. I don't want people to think they can no longer do that. But please understand, I too need time to focus on myself for a little while. I too, need someone to fall back on when I get weak. I am not superwoman.

All of this, I this, I that... I, I, I. I'm so sorry for anyone who has thought it's all about me lately. I'm an asshole.

There is aboslutely no reason we should be at each other's throats, ever. There is no reason for us to not be able to talk openly to one another. Sometimes we just need an extra push. But in the end, everything usually works itself out.

To my friends, you all really mean the world to me. You have all been there for me during the most difficult times of my life. I'm truly, sincerely sorry if you think I've been taking you all for granted. I know that I wouldn't have gotten to where I am today without all of your advice, your guidance, your heart and your genorosity. I feel awful that I seemed to have taken advantage of the idea you will always be there. I'm sorry for any shitty thing that I've ever done to any one of you. If you think that I'm being an asshole, please tell me. I never mean to hurt any of your feelings and though along the way, some of you have done things to me to hurt me, I know that there is no excuse for ignorance. I am forever indebted to all of you. Thank you for everything, honestly - because I probably haven't told you that enough or even lately. Thank you for making me aware of what some people have been seeing from me, that I have not. Once again, I owe you.

Love your friend,
Kristie